So yesterday I had my first encounter with something so many face in their classes on a daily basis. I was forced to sit in the front of a class in which a teacher discounted what I hold dear. He discounted God.
Ya know. . . at first I was really mad, angry that a man who doesn’t believe in God can preach over the pulpit of man (the lecturer’s podium) his own beliefs. I was angry that I, a christian, can’t even utter my Savior’s name. I thought of how contradictory it is that I am prohibited from saying that God exists, when I can be indoctrinated in the nonexistence of god in a class, which I pay $3000 to take, and have no choice to not listen. I am required to believe (for the time I am in his class) that there is no God, that only science, only the physical exists. There is no truth unless it can be seen, unless it can be proven. As he spoke of the incorrectness of feeling, and the correctness of proof, the invention of God, the invention of religion, etcetera, I became increasingly angry. Then as he looked at me and asked some question or other I looked into his eyes and saw. . . nothing. There was no light, there was no joy, there was no happiness. In that moment my anger turned to sadness. I was so sad for this man who could not prove God. This man who has studied the ways of men for years. This man who specializes in the ways in which variables may be manipulated was himself unmanipulable. He was unable to be allow himself to become the dependent variable, with the independent variable being God. How sad would it be to live a life where there is no one to turn to when something goes wrong but yourself, no one to help you, no one to cry to when your life goes astray. How terrible a life. I live in a world where God has told me how to prove he exists, and I choose to accept his invitation, and not only to step into the unknown in faith, but to continue forward, and I find joy in my belief in the unproveable. I felt so sorry for this sad man.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Modern Conveniences
This weekend has been quite an experience.
Thursday: our landlord came and fixed our heat. . . turns out that instead of making steam to heat the apartment, there was too much water in the thing so we were just boiling water all day long. He also took a look at the unit in my room and fixed it. For the first time this winter it actually got hot. It was the best day ever!
Friday: heat! It's a wonderful thing. Our house actually got into the high 60's (which is so much better than 54 degrees!)
Saturday: Water heater explodes, flooding the basement, and making it impossible for us to take showers. We called the landlord but got no answer. Fun.
Sunday: We woke up and realized that the heat had stopped working completely, not just a little, but completely. It was all of 37 degrees in my room (which technically is cold enough to make snow under certain conditions. . . cool, I woke up in a winter wonderland) On top of it, our hot water was still out and being that it was only 11 degrees outside our cold water was actually almost frozen water. It was so much fun. I spent a good portion of the morning boiling water so I could take some semblance of a shower/sponge bath. Sadly that made me late for church. Our landlord finally called us back, but since it was Sunday couldn't do anything but shut off the waterline going to the hot water heater. In the evening we had people over for dinner, which was a chore because we had to boil water to wash dishes otherwise we couldn't stand to put our hands in the water. We also had to eat in the kitchen so we could be warm enough. Overall, it was quite the experience. Finally around 8pm our heater decided it knew how to turn on again, so we went to bed in warm rooms, and woke up to a warm house!
Monday: Our landlord is currently in our basement replacing our water heater. HOORAY!
Overall it has been quite the experience, I realized that the things I learned on my mission which I never thought I would use come in pretty handy. I know how to take a shower with 5 gallons of water, I know how to do laundry in a bucket, I know how to heat an apartment with a stove, all sorts of things. Experiences like this make me thankful for modern conveniences.
Thursday: our landlord came and fixed our heat. . . turns out that instead of making steam to heat the apartment, there was too much water in the thing so we were just boiling water all day long. He also took a look at the unit in my room and fixed it. For the first time this winter it actually got hot. It was the best day ever!
Friday: heat! It's a wonderful thing. Our house actually got into the high 60's (which is so much better than 54 degrees!)
Saturday: Water heater explodes, flooding the basement, and making it impossible for us to take showers. We called the landlord but got no answer. Fun.
Sunday: We woke up and realized that the heat had stopped working completely, not just a little, but completely. It was all of 37 degrees in my room (which technically is cold enough to make snow under certain conditions. . . cool, I woke up in a winter wonderland) On top of it, our hot water was still out and being that it was only 11 degrees outside our cold water was actually almost frozen water. It was so much fun. I spent a good portion of the morning boiling water so I could take some semblance of a shower/sponge bath. Sadly that made me late for church. Our landlord finally called us back, but since it was Sunday couldn't do anything but shut off the waterline going to the hot water heater. In the evening we had people over for dinner, which was a chore because we had to boil water to wash dishes otherwise we couldn't stand to put our hands in the water. We also had to eat in the kitchen so we could be warm enough. Overall, it was quite the experience. Finally around 8pm our heater decided it knew how to turn on again, so we went to bed in warm rooms, and woke up to a warm house!
Monday: Our landlord is currently in our basement replacing our water heater. HOORAY!
Overall it has been quite the experience, I realized that the things I learned on my mission which I never thought I would use come in pretty handy. I know how to take a shower with 5 gallons of water, I know how to do laundry in a bucket, I know how to heat an apartment with a stove, all sorts of things. Experiences like this make me thankful for modern conveniences.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Random Acts of Kindness
Once in a while, but far more often than one would think possible in a big city in this day and age, I find myself overwhelmed by the little kindnesses people show.
This week I have been astonished at how many people have shown me that people aren't all bad. Wednesday I got off the T at Government Center, and as everyone was pushing and shoving to get by (the T was being taken out of service so literally everyone was getting off) one young man stepped back and invited me to pass him as we were going out the door. I know it was no big deal for him. It cost him a mere second of his life to smile, and say "go ahead" and yet, it made my day. Something so small, so simple, and yet so meaningful.
Today, I decided to take the fast way to where I was going, even if it was going to cost me $1.25 (toll roads...so fun) to get there. I had a dollar and found two dimes and a nickle, but as I was slowing down to go through the toll booth, I dropped a dime, and was searching frantically for it. I looked up as the person in front of me pulled away. I opened my wallet to find another dollar so that I wouldn't have to break a 20. As I did the man in the tollbooth waved me forward. "that's odd I thought to myself. . . usually they don't wave me forward. . . I must have been sitting here longer than I had thought." I rolled down my window, and he said "go ahead, the people in the car ahead of you just payed your toll" "wow" I thought. That was so nice of them. They had no idea that I couldn't find the 25 cents. They did something so kind for a complete stranger. It made my day.
As I drove on down the freeway (for it truly was a freeway today, being that I didn't have to pay) I thought to myself about the little things people do for me on a daily basis, some that I recognize, some that I don't. How often do I do things for others? How often do I make the day of a complete stranger? How often do I preform random acts of kindness?
This week I have been astonished at how many people have shown me that people aren't all bad. Wednesday I got off the T at Government Center, and as everyone was pushing and shoving to get by (the T was being taken out of service so literally everyone was getting off) one young man stepped back and invited me to pass him as we were going out the door. I know it was no big deal for him. It cost him a mere second of his life to smile, and say "go ahead" and yet, it made my day. Something so small, so simple, and yet so meaningful.
Today, I decided to take the fast way to where I was going, even if it was going to cost me $1.25 (toll roads...so fun) to get there. I had a dollar and found two dimes and a nickle, but as I was slowing down to go through the toll booth, I dropped a dime, and was searching frantically for it. I looked up as the person in front of me pulled away. I opened my wallet to find another dollar so that I wouldn't have to break a 20. As I did the man in the tollbooth waved me forward. "that's odd I thought to myself. . . usually they don't wave me forward. . . I must have been sitting here longer than I had thought." I rolled down my window, and he said "go ahead, the people in the car ahead of you just payed your toll" "wow" I thought. That was so nice of them. They had no idea that I couldn't find the 25 cents. They did something so kind for a complete stranger. It made my day.
As I drove on down the freeway (for it truly was a freeway today, being that I didn't have to pay) I thought to myself about the little things people do for me on a daily basis, some that I recognize, some that I don't. How often do I do things for others? How often do I make the day of a complete stranger? How often do I preform random acts of kindness?
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thankful
So, I have been pretty stressed out about school. I mean, I know I am going into a new semester and all, but I have been worried, constantly worried about school, about failing, about, well everything since, oh, I don't know. . . the end of September. Today I finally found out my last grade. I didn't fail. I am still officially in the program. I am still a graduate student at Emerson College. I am still on the road to getting a Master's. I have realized over the past 6 months why I came here. I had the option of going to pretty much any school I wanted to, and I chose Emerson College. Not because I wanted to come here, but because first of all, I knew God wanted me in Boston, and second of all I just knew that Emerson was the right school for me. I can remember a dream I had when I was trying to decide between Boston University and Emerson. I can remember in the dream I was going to BU and I just didn't feel right there. Then, i remembered that I could still go to Emerson, I went and found that the people there just made me feel at ease, and that they were willing to work with me. I woke up and knew that if I went to BU I would be alright, but if I went to Emerson I would have people who would help me even when I was having difficulty. Who knew that it would turn out to be as true as it has been. I have had teachers and adviser constantly checking up on me. They have asked me if they can do anything to help me. It seems that I am so cared about, so loved. I mean just today I had a teacher (whose class I failed last semester) tell me that I was a joy, and that she would do anything she could to help me succeed. On Wednesday I had a teacher take an hour just to talk to me about how I was doing. . . and give me a few tips on getting through the classes I am now facing. I am so glad that the Lord led me here, to this place where they actually care about their students. I mean really, is there another graduate school anywhere where the teachers care this much. I can't imagine one. So, when I found out my last grade, instead of crying about getting a B- I cried with joy, and gratitude that I had passed, and that only through the Lord's help I had succeeded in remaining in graduate school. So what can I say, I am thankful.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Growing Up
So I turned 25 a couple weeks ago. 25, wow I never thought I would reach this age. Who knew. And the thing is, I feel so young! I don't feel like a 25-year-old, whatever that is supposed to feel like. I mean I can remember when I was young (those were the days) looking at the 25-year-olds and thinking, "wow, 25, that is OLD!" But alas, now I am there, here, even if I don't feel like it. Its so strange to think of all the things that are so different than I expected. I mean, I was sure I would be married with kids by this point in my life (thank heavens I am not). I didn't even know what grad school was (too bad I still don't). I would be living somewhere in California (mmm warmth, that would be nice). I guess things don't always work out how we plan them (not that I really mind). I am so happy with my life so far, I mean sometimes I think it would be nice to have those things I had planned on, but overall I am pretty sure I got the better deal. I have seen the world, I have served my God, I have gained an education, and I have grown. I am thankful to have done so much with my life so far, and am excited to see how it will all turn out (too bad that involves growing up).
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