JOY!

Today- today was a good day, no wait, it was a great day! I got up for clinic this morning after a full night's sleep. I went to school, and though I left late I got there on time. My teacher was incredibly nice to me (even though I am a bit behind on my reports in her class). The child I work with was talking today, and I mean he was talking, he has gone from literally not even making a sound vocally to talking, all the time (ok so you can't understand it all the time, but just the fact that he is doing it is wonderful!). I had midterm evaluations where I was told that I was a fantastic clinician by both my instructors. They had so many compliments and were so amazed at how much my client has progressed in the last month. I walked down to subway and got the most delicious sandwich, she loaded it with more veggies than they ever put on, and it tasted so good. Then I went to my neuroscience class where I took a quiz that I didn't study for and I actually knew some if not most of the material, and then when the class had finished the quiz she said, "well guess what, I am going to give everyone who took the quiz a 100%" my happiness was bumped up another notch. Next, we proceeded with a lecture, which for the first time in the history of the class I actually understood... no... I didn't just understand it I totally got it. It was amazing, and interesting, and just took my mind to places it misses going. Then, as if my day wasn't good enough, class was dismissed an hour early. I walked to the subway with a bounce in my step. I couldn't seem to wipe the grin off my face as I waited for the train (not that I would have wanted to). I got a great seat and listened to Enya (my traditional friday afternoon relaxation music). When I arrived at my stop it was warm and sunny and the leaves were painted yellow, and red, and orange, and gold. It was beautiful! All of a sudden I felt something so rich, so warm, so beautiful. I wondered to myself what the feeling was, and it hit me. Joy. I felt joy. Joy in my wonderful day, joy in having a wonderful life, joy. I was so full of gratitude to God that as I walked down the path, across the street, and up the stairs on my way home I talked with him aloud. I thanked him for the day, for my blessings, for everything I had. I had to admit that I didn't know why I was so joyful today, that it wasn't for the big things, but the little ones. I thanked him for the love I felt from him, for the fact that I knew that he was my father and that he loves me. I thanked him for my gratitude. I thanked him for everything I could think of. Yes I know that at least here on this earth that feeling won't last forever... but I am so thankful I got to experience it, if only for a moment.

Insomnia

So it has been 5 days since I have actually gotten a night's sleep, and when I say that I really do mean it, as in 4 days where I have not slept (as is evident by the fact that I am writing this at 4:30 am) It has been pretty interesting. The first 3 nights I laid in bed tossing and turning despite having taken something to sleep. Tonight (this morning really) I decided that there was no use in being unproductive even if it was the time one typically devotes to dreaming. I figured that it was a good thing that I have been given an extra 7-8 hours a day. I have already gotten so much accomplished since I decided an hour ago that if I couldn't sleep I was going to make the best of it. I wrote a couple self reflections for class, am starting on some progress reports I needed to get done, and will even have time to study... all before I would usually have awakened. The best part is that I am not even that tired during the day. Yesterday when I couldn't sleep I decided to get out of bed an hour and a half early, and I got in the best scripture study I have had in a long time.
I have always wondered what it would be like to only need a couple hours' rest each night before returning to my peppy day self. I envied the people I studied in psychology who didn't need sleep, and now I know what I have been missing my entire life. I guess I am more productive when there is really nothing else to do with my life besides work (being that as many times as I check my g-mail no one else in their right mind would have written me at 4 in the morning, and facebook... ahh facebook... yet again fruitless at this time of day). So I guess what I am saying is as long as you have insomnia you best make the best of it. I hope it doesn't go forever, but hey I just might be the most productive person you have ever met if it does.

Blessings

I am sitting here in the hallway outside my class, thinking about all the wonderful blessings I have in my life. I just took a test, which I didn't study for, and it was so easy... because I was blessed with a wonderful undergraduate education. I came in on the train this morning, and when a girl who was blind got on the train, I was thankful to give up my seat, because I realized that I am blessed with sight. I live in a wonderful house, with wonderful roommates. I am able to go to school, and get a degree in something I love. I have been blessed with the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I am able to see blessings from that each day. I look down and realize that I have shoes, that is something that not everyone is blessed with (and most definitely most people don't have as many pair as I have) I am blessed with clothing (yet again, maybe too much). I listen to the elevator go up and down over and over again, and am thankful that I can hear. I type and realize that I have been blessed with a computer to type on. I gripe about having to take a Neuroscience test, and having to study (albeit for the first time in my life... or maybe the second), and I realize how amazing the brain really is, the fact that I can not only have that wonderful structure sitting in my head, but that it works well enough that I can study it and understand (minimally) how it works... it is a great blessing. I could go on, and on, and on. Everywhere I look I see blessings. Everyone I meet is a blessing. My trials, they too are blessings, for they make me stronger, and teach me more than anything else can ever do. I am so thankful for all my blessings!

On Kindness

So, as the world is overwhelmed with the horrible news of the stock market plummeting, banks going under, terrorism, killings, etc. I find that the world is not all bad.
Today I got off the T (subway) in the middle of Boston and watched the crowds rush in and out of the station, each person going about his business... most shopping, or taking lunch, or going somewhere to visit someone... one man stood apart from the rest. Two crumpled dollar bills clutched in his hand this man stood in the center of a room full of people. Aside from a look of panic and terror on his face there was nothing to distinguish him from the rest. As he paced back and forth near the automated ticket machines, occasionally walking up to someone only to turn around again, he caught my eye and I wondered what he was doing. I could see that he was distressed, and yet I did not think to help. Then, I heard a warm and friendly voice at my side as the ticket attendant took him by the hand and said, "Can you remember how to use the machines?" and I realized that this man, all alone in a crowded T stop, must have had some sort of mental impairment. As he handed her the money the woman continued, "No, sorry I'm not going to do it for you, but I will show you how, that way when I am not here, you will be able to buy your ticket alone." Her voice was one of calm assurance, she did not sound annoyed as she showed the man what he was to do. It was obvious that this was not the first time this had occurred, and instead of becoming annoyed, she had taken the time, yet again, to show him how to buy his ticket. I know it wasn't much, but as I sit here in my living room, tears stream down my face as I think of the kindness of that one woman, and realize that she is not alone. There are countless others, all doing small acts of kindness, some without even thinking, which brighten each day, and make it worth living. I watch daily as people still give up their seat on a crowded car so that someone more feeble than them can rest. I see people smile, a ray of hope in a dark world. I watch as someone lends a helping hand, for no other reason than that they want to. I realize this world is not all darkness, its not all selfishness, its not all suffering. This world is a world of brightness, of hope, of love... even if sometimes its streaked with sorrow.

we went to canobie park to a haunted house... it was a blast... except for the fact that it wasn't scary at all!

Prop 8

So for all my readers out there (not that I am actually pretentious to think that people read my blog) I am requesting that you (if you live in the state of California and can vote) vote yes on proposition 8. More than just being important to define that marriage is between a man and a woman, it is defining that religions have the rite to make their own definitions of what marriage should be. If prop 8 doesn't pass it will mean that all religions within the state of California will be forced to abide by a law which may contradict their religious doctrine. I just think that is wrong... isn't that what the separation of church and state is all about? Isn't it unconstitutional for the state to determin how people should worship? Once it starts, who'se to say that it will stop there... what will be the next step. So if you care about your constitutional rite to worship, if you believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, or if you just don't feel like giving the state any more leway than it already have PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote yes on 8.

Comments

I LOVE COMMENTS!!! So I think that the reason I even bother to write on my blog is the fact that somewhere in the back of my mind there is a little voice telling me that someone, somewhere cares... that I can write my random thoughts (and I know that they are random) and someone will comment, but alas, I am always wrong... no one comments.

An Epiphany

I was sitting in a class and watched as a girl broke something. It wasn't hers, and where I would have said "I am so sorry" and felt absolutely awful, she said "its ok" and brushed it off. I sat there in a quandary. Are there people who aren't like me? Do people live their lives without feeling that awful sinking feeling that is remorse. What is it like to do something (which I would consider remorse inducing) and walk away, never thinking of it again. I can't even begin to think of what that is like. This strange feeling of jealousy, and sadness, and I can't really identify it all washes over me and I think of what she must feel like. But then, I think of how glad I am I feel remorse... as nice as not having to think of "that one day that I did that one thing..." all the time would be, isn't that frightening? What would it be like to never feel like you needed to apologise. I can't even wrap my mind around it, life without guilt, but life without apology. Interesting.

Sickness

I swear it feels like the entire world wants me to get sick. I'm getting the feeling that the entire idea of going to work, or school, or wherever else I go is actually to make me sick. I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle against colds, flue, everything. I take the T and everyone is sick, I come to school and everyone is sick, I go to clinic and everyone is sick, everywhere I go everyone is sick. I woke up this morning willing myself not to feel sick (my will was far more concrete than previous days being that I didn't feel so well)... as the day wears on my will is being reinforced as my immune system is attacked from all sides. I will not get sick, I will not get sick, I will not get sick (cough) I will not get sick. Aw man, I am not sick, I am not sick! Maybe I can call in healthy tomorrow, but then again, everyone is sick at home too.

Boston

Ahhh Boston, I love it. Driving down the Charles at night, seeing the lights reflected in the water, I think to myself that I am living in the most beautiful city in the world (and then thoughts of the wonderful European cities come flashing into my mind, and I restate my opinion- the most beautiful city in North America, and maybe all of America in general) sigh. I can't believe I live here. It seems like every corner has something to discover- a restaurant, a church, a really sleezy alleyway. Hmmm I don't think I will ever be sick of this city.

The Reservoir

Between conference sessions we walked down to the reservoir (which is like 4 blocks from my apartment, who knew.)

Conference Saturday

So yesterday was General Conference and so I decided to keep my family tradition alive and make waffles. I had some of my friends over and we had a blast. (we ended up carrying on text conversations and cracking up laughing during the first session)






Ha ha ha ok, so I still can't figure out how to turn the stupid pictures- plea to everyone if you know how to make the picture turn please tell me how