Monday, October 6, 2008
An Epiphany
I was sitting in a class and watched as a girl broke something. It wasn't hers, and where I would have said "I am so sorry" and felt absolutely awful, she said "its ok" and brushed it off. I sat there in a quandary. Are there people who aren't like me? Do people live their lives without feeling that awful sinking feeling that is remorse. What is it like to do something (which I would consider remorse inducing) and walk away, never thinking of it again. I can't even begin to think of what that is like. This strange feeling of jealousy, and sadness, and I can't really identify it all washes over me and I think of what she must feel like. But then, I think of how glad I am I feel remorse... as nice as not having to think of "that one day that I did that one thing..." all the time would be, isn't that frightening? What would it be like to never feel like you needed to apologise. I can't even wrap my mind around it, life without guilt, but life without apology. Interesting.
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I've actually found in the course of my years that I have less feelings of guilt then most people. It's probably one part how I was raised and one part hating guilt which drove me to that point. But I actually really dislike guilt as a motivating factor. Using guilt to motivate others to do things is one thing I disrespect and so for me guilt is something I try to not let have sway over me.
-- Jon
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