Reality Check

Ok, so I have had so many people tell me that my blog is totally positive and that I can seem to put things that are negative in a positive light, so I am going to let you all see that life isn't always fine and dandy. I mean I am sitting here outside my class where I just failed (and I mean totally failed) a test which I actually bothered to study for (amazing I know that I would study for a test) it just so happens that I happened to study all the wrong stuff... and I mean all the wrong stuff... I only KNEW about 1/10 of the stuff on the test at all... and could BS about another 1/2 of it (which I guess was a totally piositive thing). I have no idea what happened. I mean seriously I STUDIED I even went to the library for like 4 hours (I didn't even know where the library was) and I tried really hard... but hey I guess I am already failing like 2 other classes so why not fail 3. It is getting to the point in the semester where I am thinking there is no way I am ever going to dig myself out of this awful pit that I am in. I can't get less than a 3.0 in my classes otherwise I get kicked out of the program and I will have wasted... well... bacically my life... aside from the thousands of dollars. I guess it could be a good thing if I get kicked out of school because, then I could work... I don't know what kind of crap job would want someone who has a useless degree... and I am pretty sure that that kind of job isn't something I even remotely want to do... yeah cuz pushing papers and flipping burgers isn't exactly something that interests me. So I guess wht I am saying is that life sucks... I cried all morning (and that was before the test) because I am so stressed, and I even woke up my family at 5 because I just really needed to talk, and that just made me feel more like crap because, I had awakened them... well, I guess I need to be thankful for a family who is willing to talk to me at 5am. I should also be thankful for the fact that some girl gave me her seat on the T this morning even though it was totally crowded (I think that she was my angel, cuz I was able to get a bit more studying in... even if it did me no good) and some lady just passed me in the hallway right now and smiled at me... which made me feel less... I don't know crappy. I guess I should also be thankful for the fact that I did really well on my Neuro quiz last week... which gives me tons of hope for getting my grade up in that class (two weeks in a row of almost perfect quiz scores... even if I still don't know what I got on the test that is pretty good) I am also thankful that I got lots of my reports done this weekend... and I am thankful for friends who make me happy (thanks JM and Ryan... and everyone else) I am also thankful for church... and how it can make me happy even when nothing else can... I am thankful for God... how he loves me, even when I procrastinate and do stupid things... and fail classes and tests... I am thakful for my Savior- who gives me peace... I am thakful for scripture which sooths my soul and calms my mind... so I guess my life is actually pretty good... even if today is a hard day. I will totally live... I just am having a reality check (and guess what... its ok)